Manifest a Change on the Outside by Changing the Inside
If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem to find it so easy to make friends, have good people around them, get promoted when they don’t seem particularly qualified for the job, basically seem to draw people and opportunities to them just like that, then read on…
These seemingly magical people are nothing of the sort. They simply don’t care too much what others think, and their self-concept is good enough that they aren’t looking for validation. When we are looking for validation from a person, we are feeling the lack of something. ‘I need you to tell me how great I am because I won’t feel great unless I hear it.’
As soon as we need something from someone, our energy matches that need. You cannot be magnetic whilst needing something, because you are feeling less than. Less than cannot be magnetic because people are not drawn to less than, they are drawn to I’m good no matter what you think. It doesn’t mean that people won’t like you, merely they will not feel that pull to be around you. Don’t feel bad though, most of us have felt the need for validation at some point in our lives and often, we just don’t realise the value in not needing it, so we don’t look at our self-concept. We don’t even consider that we can change things on the outside by changing them on the inside.
In fact, this was a revelation to me. I can honestly say that I don’t need anyone to validate me these days. I don’t even tell people half the things I am doing, and that’s not because I am purposely holding back, I just don’t even think to tell them and that’s down to the fact that other people’s opinions don’t mean anything to me when it comes to my life and career. Of course it’s lovely to hear a compliment. Who doesn’t enjoy hearing how great they are? You’ll find that when you have no need to hear it, you hear it constantly!
How to Stop Caring What People Think
First of all, have a think about why you need validation. Often it comes from childhood. We needed it from our parents and we have brought that need with us into adulthood. This was the case for me for sure. It was only my Mum that I needed validation from as I got older. The things is, the more you need it, the less you get it. It’s just like everything else, the more you push, the harder it pulls. Realisation is the first step. Why do I need validation?
Often, the very act of recognising why it’s there can lead to immediate ‘dropping’ of the need. Simply by seeing it for what it really is. If this doesn’t happen, practise feeling proud of yourself and validate yourself on a daily basis. At the end of the day, self-validation is the only kind that matters.
‘I am good enough. I don’t need to hear that from anyone else’
It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks if YOU don’t think you are good enough. Hearing that you are wonderful from ten people won’t make you feel any different. Sure, you will get a rush of the feel good factor but it will soon subside and then you will need it again….
When you practise self-validation you cannot fail to eventually feel it naturally.